Satan
Satan (セータン''Sētan'') is the most evil thing to grace this god forsaken earth. He rules over Hell, so you know he's really fucked up. He enjoys coffee creamers, but he never puts it in his coffee. In fact, Satan hates coffee, and instead just drinks the creamer like a weirdo. He should be kept away from everyone, especially children. History Satan was born in Chinese ghettos to a normal Chinese family of 4 others. He was the youngest child born, and his siblings bullied him for it. Since their names were so ridiculous, the children went by their own names, after countries. The oldest child named himself Mochi Japan, because he was a huge weeaboo, and looked like a mochi. The next 2 kids followed him, naming themselves Mochi Canada and then Mochi America, Satan today. Satan's current name, Satan, was given to him by his parents at age 10 because he was being such a sick fuck. Since Satan is not the best name, he still goes by Mochi America as a faux disguise. Satan had a shitty school life. His peers bullied him to no end, making fun of the fact he was a gelatinous blob. Alongside this, Satan was locked in cages where he belongs. Satan had had enough, so he did all he could to make everyone's lives just as miserable as his. He met up with a lonely, friendless kid, and after many negotiations, he sold his soul to Satan. Satan convinced him to do many awful things, such as leaving candy wrappers on the floor and "forgetting" to leave the tip. However, things soon escalated. Satan began forcing him to do nearly unspeakable things, things i wont say in case this gets flagged. One thing i can tell you is, Satan showed the young boy the world's most dangerous drug, The Devil's Lettuce.The kid began fucking raccoons on the street, and the drug soon drove him to shoot up his school. After 4 or 5 casualties, the kid attempted to shoot himself in the head to eternally give up his soul to Satan. After 14 whole attempts, he finally shot himself in the head successfully. This began Satan's massive tour of being a sick fuck. He tricked many good Christian boys into say such hurtful words like "frick" and "heck" and "darn". He made innocent civillians play his demonic game, Dungeons&Dragons. He made the godless Japanese create and play the demon catching game, Pokemon. Around this time, several children were disappearing, and even Chris Hansen couldn't figure out why this was happening. But suprise,suprise, it was Satan all along. Satan in Hell main article: 'Hell ' Satan, as you would assume, rules over Hell. While this may seem like no big deal, Hell is the focal point of pure shit. Satan owns a company known as Hades Brands, Inc. This company manufactures several items, and is responsible for most devil's lettuce ever smoked, and probably half of the viruses on your shitty computer. With this brand, Satan plans to take control of the public, and products such as Gay Away and Miracle Milk have been a huge success in this department, bringing Satan just a few steps closer to having a planet wide holocaust. Satan's Incarnations Satan can only reside in blob form in China and within a short distance of the portal to Hell in Nebraska. Because of this, he has to possess some other life form to travel. Spiders Spiders are Satans most often used form of incarnation. He can only possess one species of spider. The spiders act entirely normally, except that they will often just phase straight through the ground. All of these spiders are female, and they will lay eggs regardless of if they mate or not. When a spider possessed by Satan dies, Satan is sent back to hell and has to wait for another spider to come by. Goats Satan uses goats for travel the way as the spiders, and that's actually why goats are associated with Satan. The Anti-Christ As God has jesus, Satan has The Anti-Christ. Actually, The Anti-Christ is suspected to be multiple individuals.The mother of any these creatures is completely unknown, if they have any. Below are known captures by The FBI suspected to be Satan's offspring. Unnamed.jpg|Specimen #1 found Near a Mcdonalds in Florida Anime-Eyes-Makeup-1.jpg|Specimen #2 Found trying to seduce virgins at an Anime Convention hqdefault (1).jpg|Specimen #5 and Specimen #4 Found near a portal near Hell giving out DNA tests Chase_noface_furby.jpg|Specimen #3 Found in a garbage bin in Wales Gallery Satanrape2.jpg|Satan crawling his way towards his next victim Satanrape.jpg|Satan attempting to get Jesus on his side. Satanpedo2.jpg|Satan and the soon to be school shooter Satanincage.jpg|Satan being sent back to Hell. Satanpedo.jpg|Satan is a known sex offender Satantrue.jpg|Satan is sometimes is called mochi america. This is simply a disguse SatanTruth.jpg|Satan sometimes tells the truth SatanMitosis.jpg|Satan can reproduce asexually, too. SatanEgg.jpg|Satan was actually born from an egg. |} Category:Blobs Category:Bad Guys Category:Characters Category:Stuff that´ll send you to jail Category:Minor Characters Category:Not Gay Category:Gay Category:Hell